.REPLY OF SUBSTANCE.

to love someone unconditionally ... to have her in your life for eternity ... to be her soulmate ... is it possible to have two people so dear to you and love them as equals?

to love the second time around is something i have yet to learn. but i dont understand it ... i just cant ... not just yet. how can people move on so fast? how can they be so sure that they have found THE ONE ... or should i say the NEXT ONE?

its hard having to realize that you were just the NEXT ONE ... someone who technically replaced the ORIGINAL ONE ... that in his heart she was still 'the one' but just had to let go ... now he has to go off and find the 'next one' and by a twist of serendipity ... he found you. you were there unknowing. while he's coming towards you ... in search again of that feeling that he once had ... maybe not as strong ... but getting there just the same ... you ... innocent and vulnerable at that ... you realize that this was what you were waiting for. everything that you had ever wanted ... and more! he's just INCREDIBLE ... AMAZING ... BEAUTIFUL in every way ... to you ... you have THE ONE.

unfair? LIFE is ... GOD isnt. but thats what makes life worth living. i didnt want it ... i had not expected it ... but it happened. ive told myself once that il be closing the chapter ... but i hadnt. it was easy to say it ... but unbelievably hard to do it.

in my HEART he will always be THE ONE ... but in my MIND ... he's just LONG GONE. maybe it was just written out this way.

im done with this ... its about time.

UNCONDITIONAL
posted by oddnumber at 08:50




.EVER AFTER.

a fairytale and an ever after ending. beautiful. magnificent.

its every girl's dream to become a princess. to have a knight in shining armor. his prince.

|SIGH| it is just a dream.
posted by oddnumber at 18:23




.CURRENT.

[ Current Mood ] unsatisfied
[ Current Music ] sound of cars outside
[ Current Taste ] COFFEE
[ Current Make-up ] mmm nothing i should be asleep
[ Current Hair ] LOOSE COIL
[ Current Annoyance ] life and its many frustrations
[ Current Smell ] OUT OF THE BED SCENT
[ Current Favorite Group ] MO TOWN
[ Current Book you're reading ] UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING
[ Current Color Of Toenails ] PEDICURE FRESH ... NO POLISH FOR ME.


[ Current Refreshment ] COFFEE


LAST PERSON
[ You Touched ] MOM
[ You Talked to ] DAD
[ You Hugged ] RACHEL
[ You Instant messaged ] MARI
[ You Yelled At ] RENZO
[ You Kissed ] ...

WHO DO YOU WANT TO
[ Kill ] THE OTHER WOMAN
[ Slap ] DAVE'S ASS
[ Get Really Wasted With ] MY GURLS
[ Get High With ] THE GURLS & BOYS!
[ Look Like] GISELE BUNDCHEN ... BRAZILIAN.

DO YOU EVER
[ sit on the internet all night waiting for someone special to I.M. you? ] NOT REALLY
[ save aol/aim conversations ] NO
[ cried because of someone saying something to you ] YES ... THEN I SAY SOMETHING BACK TO THEM.

DO YOU // ARE YOU
[ smoke cigarettes ] YES.
[ obsessive ] ON CERTAIN THINGS
[ could u live without the computer? ] NOT ANYMORE
[ color ur hair ] NOT REALLY
[ habla espanol ] WISHFUL THINKING
[ how many peeps are on ur buddylist? ] ?
[ drink alchohol? ] IM ALLERGIC ... BUT I DO
[ like watching sunrises or sunset ] SUNRISE AT THE BEACHFRONT WAS JUST BREATH TAKING
[ what hurts the most? ] LOSING YOURSELF


NUMBER
[ of times I have had my heart broken? ] ONCE.
[ of hearts you've broken? ] NONE.
[ of boys I have kissed? ] ONE.
[ of scars on my body? ] ONE ON MY CHIN FROM A TRIP TO CHINA.


|DRAFT|
posted by oddnumber at 19:16




.DEAD END.

thats where my life is right now. nowhere to run to ... noone to talk to ... nothing else to do.

whats the point of staying when everyone else thinks you're useless ... you dont matter ... you're just a pain in the ass. wouldnt it be much better to just leave? in that way you are to hassle nobody anymore right? i mean ... yeah they get worried and sad for a while ... but eventually they will forget ... they'll move on with their lives ... probably remember you on all soul's day or on your birthday ... but they will forget. they're probably better off without you.

the consequence is always times three ... i think this is a part of it. but still ... i thought i can move on ... i thought i can get through it ... i thought he was still there. what happened?

what am i suppose to do now? he tells me to stay ... tells me ive no right whatsoever ... tells me im useless. for what reason am i suppose to stay?

i dont wanna be an ungrateful bitch ... im absolutely sure that i will be forever grateful to them ... but then again i am a bitch ... ive to admit that ... for different reasons and at different times of course.

im so different from them ... but then thats how i am. thats me ... different. seems like im just turning into the black sheep ... so what does a sheep got to do? i dont wanna BAH like the rest of them and conform to the predictable norm of life ... but why is it so hard to be accepted by your own kind? your own flesh and blood i might have to add.

ive never been like the others with exceptional abilities ... i try to ... but ive been nothing but a big disappointment ... if they found out about the truth then il be much more than a disappointment ... much lower than shame ... a disgust of evil.

how to leave? how to make them happy and take them out of misery? how to be left behind?

|LONE|
posted by oddnumber at 16:14




.TRUE FRIENDS=WORST ENEMIES.

is being 'PLASTIC' to your friends the new hype these days? i dont get ... im really confused. i know it would never be easy to go by it and pretend like nothing ever happened but does it have to be that we've to act different around each other?

i thought to myself that i just had my bestest halloween ever ... then again it was just me TIPSY. i thought we had fun ... i thought we had a great time ... dinner was just a laughtrip and trick or treating just seem to bring back the old memories. i guess its not over yet ... or would it ever be over?

there are those times when your mind goes completely blank and there's nothing left to do but ask someone to tell you what to do next ... im running out of ideas, theories, reasons ... its hard to give up on something you've built up so much ... then again its what's killing you the most.

it was just my night ... i had my treats and it was just the perfect time to make some kicks ... twas my time for revenge! yes, i had an absolute time on halloween night ... who wouldn't have a blast with overflowing booze, a pack of ciggies and a bunch of buddies to hang with! unending HIRITAN and exchanges of comical wits is just my kind of play ... but most of all its how the night ends that puts the seal to cap it all off.

'you'll never know your true friends till you know your worst enemies!' ... quote of the evening from a friend. |BISCUIT|

i cant help thinking about it and how it just all make sense ... especially when its the people with alcohol in their bloodline talking! but it is true ... it is so true and i cant help but believe in it.

im not sure if 'what breaks us makes us stronger' mean anymore ... who gets stronger? me or we?

|ALDER|
posted by oddnumber at 06:44




.ON A HIGHER NOTE.

ive found a greater respect for independence. its not unlikely for someone to realize this after ending a relationship. you pick up the pieces of what's left ... you rebuild the character that you once had before the relationship. 'REINVENTION' ... something like that.

NO ORDINARY MORNING
|CHICANE|

If there was nothing that I could say
Turned your back and you just walked away
Leaves me numb inside I think of you
Together is all I knew

We moved too fast, but I had no sign
I would try to turn the hands of time
I looked to you for a reason why
The love we had passed me by

And as the sun would set you would rise
Fall from the sky into paradise
Is there no light in your heart for me
You've closed your eyes, you no longer see

There were no lies between me and you
You said nothing of what you knew
But there was still something in your eyes
Left me helpless and paralysed

You could give a million reasons
Change the world and change the tides
Could not give me the secrets
Of your heart and of your mind
In the darkness that surrounds me
Now there is no peace of mind
Your careless words undo me
Leave the thought of us behind

You could give a million reasons
Change the world and change the tides
Could not give me the secrets
Of your heart and of your mind
In the darkness that surrounds me
Now there is no peace of mind
Your careless words undo me
Leave the thought of us behind

If there was nothing that I could say
Turned your back and you just walked away
Leaves me numb inside I think of you
Together is all I knew

We moved too fast, but I had no sign
I would try to turn the hands of time
I looked to you for a reason why
The love we had passed me by

And as the sun would set you would rise
Fall from the sky into paradise
Is there no light in your heart for me
You've closed your eyes, you no longer see

There were no lies between me and you
You said nothing of what you knew
But there was still something in your eyes
Left me helpless and paralysed

---i didnt want it but you gave it to me ... most definitely not on a silver platter. what came with it ... you should know ... youve been there. if not for you i wouldnt have learned yet another lesson about life ... thank you.---

|WORTH|
posted by oddnumber at 23:23




.LOVE STORY FROM A GUITAR.

its been so long since the last time i just lazed around with friends ... hang out is the word even if it felt more than that.

TAJMA. seriously a no biggie place at first glance but its the people ... the food ... and oh hell of course its the HOOKAH!

| The HOOKAH or SHISHA as it is known in the ARAB world, was invented by the EGYPTIANS 1000 years BC. This ancient middle eastern water pipe filled with sweetened tobacco flavor is now being enjoyed in the USA. The tobacco leaves used are grown in low-nitrogen soil, hence they contain less nicotine and tar. Water in the glass jar filters out even more whatever tar and nicotine are left. |

BLUES. He just made 7hrs of sitting in one corner seem like such a joy on a slow friday afternoon. he's born to play the guitar. yes, he can play the guitar and hes just too damn good of a god!

for someone who doesnt even know how to hold a guitar it was just amazing to be there while this guy jammed to what he considers his 'GIRL'. indeed they are inseperable but they do make such a combo. and whats more is what they can make together. MUSIC.

but it wasnt just music yesterday ... two boys and a girl ... the two boys ... in their relationships trying to go through the loops and twists ... the lone girl ... just went by one ... she's done with hers ... so what do these three people do on a lazy friday afternoon you ask? they make a love story from a guitar.

at different chords ... at the right moments ... in the perfect harmony. its just the whole general idea of how it is to fall IN love and to fall FROM love. it starts at a steady pace ... becomes perky ... goes steady at a different chord ... becomes faster ... goes slower ... goes down ... comes up ... goes down ... starts from where it began but just in a slightly different tune ... that's where it all ends when your back to the big party of SINGLEHOOD.

'then again you're still alone' ... last line of the story ... it made me sulk again but with some kind of a relief. maybe thats how it is when the relationship has gone TOO LONG and TOO FAR ... when youve been through SO MUCH and TOO MUCH ... even if you know you'll be alone ... it doesnt matter as much ... YET.

|UNDONE|

posted by oddnumber at 06:14




.ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER.

i have my 'wedding cd' playing right now ... songs ive carefully selected for my big day ... im suppose to feel all the possible emotions whenever i play it ... i cant feel anything right now ... im singing to the songs playing though.

its not possible to completely get over someone in a month ... its exactly the 7th day since he left and im not feeling nostalgic or anything at all ... if not for his trip it wouldnt have been this easy for me ... so thanks for that!

yesterday when i was on my way home from summer class ... well i just found out that i passed my first exam which was just an absolutely big load carried off my back |unfortunately i failed the second exam that i coincidentally took yesterday before she gave out the results ... biatch!| ... anyways ... they say that when the sun's out and it starts to rain ... someone out there's suppose to be having a wedding ... or something like that ... im not really sure of what it suppose to mean but yesterday it was just magical for me when it happened. i was thinking about how my life has been going ... from the lowest of the low its actually starting to climb back up again ... and of course i was thinking about him because these past few months my life has just revolved around him ... i started to think what my life was before without him ... with him ... and this time without him again ... then it started to drizzle ... i love it when it rains ... but then the sun came out just as i was looking up the sky ... then i started to think about god ... and then i realized ... he's still there ... im closing this chapter of my life now.

|NUMB|
posted by oddnumber at 15:25